By Anagha Ivy
On viewing society at large, the number of single parents(especially single mothers) are consistently on the rise. The number of divorces and people opting for surrogacy to lead their lives as single parents are also in vogue now. Whatever might be the reasons of the increase in the number of single parents, studies have shown that the mothers and their children are affected by this scenario in both ways.
The problem arises when the mothers aren’t able to handle the financial and emotional duties that they are entitled to shoulder. Keeping their children safe, hunger satiated and providing them other necessities and amenities and parallelly handling work in order to pay the bills and make ends meet is a burden that would break many people. When people talk about single mothers, they associate them with parents who work.
There is a difference between a single mother who’s working and a female member in a couple who is working. Single mothers usually get much lesser revenue from their jobs, hence are pressured into working either overtime or looking for jobs elsewhere. On the other hand, couples on average earn twice or make more revenue than a single mother.
According to a survey, 63% of families with single mothers are below poverty line, highlighting the problem of financial instability of a single mother. Apart from the money problems, single mothers also face mental and physical illnesses. A survey showed that about 70% of the women felt lonely, stressed out and felt that their children were going out of their hands which in turn pushed them into the abysses of depression.
Physical hygiene and mental strength deteriorates when they’re not able to fulfil the needs of their children. Sacrificing their energy, time and sometimes even food in order to feed their children, single mothers undergo a lot of pressure and end up not taking care of themselves, neglecting their personal grooming and social activities.
Children who grow up with only one of their biological parents (nearly always the mother) are disadvantaged across a broad array of outcomes. Research says they are twice as likely to drop out of high school, 2.5 times as likely to become teen mothers, and 1.4 times as likely to be idle ie, to play as truants and unemployed when compared to children who grow up with both parents. Children in one parent families also have lower grade point averages, lower college aspirations, and poorer attendance records.
As adults, they have higher rates of divorce, drug abuse and various addictions which they become slaves to. It is clear that parental breakup reduces children’s access to important economic, parental, and community resources. The loss of those resources affects their development in important stages of their lives and future opportunities.
Thus the evidence strongly suggests that family disruption plays a large role in lowering children’s well-being, one’s self-esteem and confidence as well. When parents live apart, children have less income because the family loses economies of scale. Family disruption also reduces the time parents spend with children and the control they have over them.
When parents live apart, children see their fathers a lot less and the quality time they have at their disposal to spend with their families is much less. Mothers often find their authority undermined by the separation and consequently have more difficulty controlling their children which pose as challenges to them.
Children also face communal issues when belonging to a single parent family. Reports suggest disruption in relationships with peers, teachers and other adults while they are in school. Children who face such problems tend to despise the community they live in and have a negative view of the world around them which adversely affects their moulding into responsible citizens.
Rani Santhosh who is mother of three children shares her life experiences as one of the greatest achievement in her life, how she managed to provide them with food and education by working 11 hours a day. She works at bank from 10:00 am to 4:00 pm after which she runs a tailoring shop of her own till 9pm in between she also manages to cater to the needs of her children. Rani mentions that the happiness she saw in her children for all small things she does for them is what keeps her running and not give up her hard work.
Just as single motherhood has no single cause and no certain outcome, there is no simple solution for the problems facing single mothers and their children. For improving the state of families in this kind of living style, strategies must include those aimed at preventing family breakup and sustaining family resources as well as those aimed at compensating children for the loss of parental time and income. In addition, single mothers should be given healthcare and provided with the basic needs that any mother would need to provide a reasonable environment for their children to grow up and prosper.
Reshma Rajeesh who was married at the age of 20 lost her husband to an accident after two years of marriage while carrying their first baby. She was going through depression after losing her husband but never gave up on her child. After the birth of her child Reshma found it extremely difficult to cope up with her work and to meet her child’s needs, she reached a stage where she was driven to give up on her life.
While going through such a situation Reshma’s boss at work managed to understand her condition and asked her to work at home. Eventually when the burden was reduced she overcame the fear of sustaining life and appointed a nanny to look after her child and got back at work and lived a happy life.
The main need to sustain a single parent life is one’s will power. They should think of a bright future they can provide for their children. A bit of suffering is all that takes to build up a new life of your own blood. Single or not it is their responsibility as a parent to look after their children and their needs. Many people say “My children are the reason that I am still alive”. Yes! Make them the reason for your survival as at the end of the day they will be the only ones left, a means of solace and comfort in life’s journey.
